Wednesday, January 12, 2011

learning...

i have something to tell you.
it's important.
i made a mistake. i learnt a lesson.

remember when i told you quatchi and i had moved to chicago? well, we did (really, why would i bother lying about that?), and now we're moving away. vancouver here we come.

what happened?!?
what happened was my reasons for coming here were never actually my own. i felt like i had to live up to the expectations of others. i dreaded the question "so, are you excited to go!?" because i honestly wasn't. ever. it just seemed like the easy next step in life; what else was i going to do? and that's not the right reason to stay. and it wasn't the right reason to come in the first place (in fact i think someone else once said something about hindsight being 20/20).
another good indicator was saying goodbye to my parent's at the vancouver airport. i am not an airport crier. because normally i'm so excited to be going wherever it is i'm going. i like airports (as long as its not a long-term thing...) and i like travelling (shocker, i know) so, no crying. sure, i miss people and places, but if i miss you that much, i'm going to find a way to come see you. this time though, i was a train-wreck. and then some. and i was so genuinely upset, i didn't care that people were staring at me (we're talking denzel-washington-Unstoppable-train-wreck here). 

never-ending milwaukee bookstore
i would like to say that i could see myself living in chicago one day. i just can't see myself at school here. which means that i'm not really allowed to live in america. but the city has been great. i've gotten sunshine. i've gotten a blizzard (SO exciting! snowing days are just the prettiest things in the history of everything). there are so many things i need to come back and see- museums, aquariums, the canucks beating the hawks, architecture, pizzas, summertime, friends… so, Chicago, thanks for being fascinating. sorry for being a basket-case, i'll be back. i'll be slightly better adjusted. until we meet again

pre-game dinner; katie, her niece joanna and i 

let me tell you all about 
my week in america... i spent a weekend in wisconsin (just crossed that one off the list; 13 states left to go!) with katie from the boat. and it was such a fun-filled weekend! we went to dinner, we wine toured (ok, we really just wine tasted..), we spent time with her brother and his family, we found an amazing book store in miliwaukee AND we went to an admirals game! AND they were playing the toronto marlies. AND the admirals is the pred's farm team! it was so exciting! even though i spent the night being harassed for being canadian (half-kiddinnnnnggg). and then for losing (1-0 in shootouts though. only half counts as losing). i was really surprised by how much i liked wisconsin. it's really pretty. i'd definitely recommend you make the trip sometime.

andrea, ben, me, casey and cloud gate in the SNOW!
i spent a day at orientation for school (which is when i had another cosmic meltdown and realized that it just wasn't right for me to be here). i spent another day unenrolling myself. i've tried to learn to run on the treadmill.. turns out it sucks. give me outside running ANYTIME. consistent pace and shock-absorption be damned. if i can't run more than 13 minutes straight because i'm MIND-NUMBINGLY bored, it's not worth it. they invented sidewalks and trails for a reason. (me. i am that reason).

oh yeah, and i met someone on my BBQ list. nobigdeal. (i'm lying its a HUGE DEAL!) 'member that blog i was/ am hooked on? ben does life? HERE!!...it was this day. towards the bottom...
WELL. i went for a run with ben yesterday. and andrea and casey (don't worry, you don't know them, we just met yesterday). 
and it was snowing and so pretty and we made snow-angels and we took pictures and we hung out over coffee after. and when i say we took pictures, it's important to note that i was IN pictures, i obviously didn't bring my camera avec moi.. winnerrrr

know what i adore? videos of people dancing. and just plain old dancing people in general. hugh grant, love actually? BEST EVER. check it out.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M66m4bsIss8&feature=feedf *thank you AT for the link*

we're not from around here...
music. now. if i die young (the band perry). weighty ghost (wintersleep). this end of the telescope (jakob dylan). i'm not afraid (eminem). i'm only me when i'm with you (tswift). wildflowers (tom petty).

you're probably wondering what comes next for me. i'm wondering the same. graphic design is what i want to do. there's an awesome school for it in vancouver. there's a chance to do some travelling. there's an invitation to "shred whistler" with this guy i met once... there's a quilt to be made. there's a puppy to get (we're talking mid-to-long term now). there are races to be run. pittsburgh half anyone? may 15. mom and dad's anniversary. be there. i'm not worried. 
it'll all work out. it always does.


may you always walk on rainbows


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